Don't Ask Me How I Wipe Sticker

Authorities are advising the public to remain calm after reports of this sticker appearing on coolers, toolboxes, trucks, fishing gear, and at least one gas station bathroom mirror.

Printed in bold lettering against a black background, the message reads:

“DON’T ASK ME HOW I WIPE, BECAUSE I DON’T.”

Small sticker. Massive red flag.

This is the perfect accessory for people who think camping should involve more fire than planning, who refer to beef jerky as a food group, and who consider “finding a good stick” a legitimate survival strategy. Stick it on your water bottle, tackle box, helmet, canoe, or anything else that deserves a little wilderness-induced psychological damage.

Durable, weatherproof, and spiritually alarming, this sticker thrives in outdoor environments where normal standards no longer apply.

Perfect for:
• Vaping on the trail with the boys
• Coolers full of unlabeled meat
• Trucks with at least one dashboard warning light on
• Canoes operated by people with terrible judgment
• Letting strangers know you’ve made peace with the forest… and lost contact with civilization
• Your favorite grandma or uncle

This isn’t decoration.
It’s a warning to the modern world.


• High opacity film that’s impossible to see through
• Fast and easy bubble-free application
• Durable vinyl
• 95µ density

Don't forget to clean the surface before applying the sticker.

Size guide