Sorry I Was Pooping Birthday Card

This birthday card arrives with absolutely no attempt to be classy—and that’s the entire point. On the front: a bold, high-resolution photograph of a perfectly unfiltered turd, paired with the deadpan message: “Sorry I was pooping.” It’s the kind of greeting that immediately resets expectations for your relationship with the sender. No glitter. No flowers. No emotional buildup. Just raw honesty, questionable timing, and the unmistakable energy of someone who almost forgot your birthday but committed to the bit instead of lying about it.

Open the card and it doubles down: “But I didn’t forget your birthday” followed by “Wishing you all the best on your special day.” It’s sincere… in the way a raccoon might sincerely wish you well while standing in your kitchen at 3AM. The contrast is what makes it work—absurd front cover, polite inside message, and a lingering sense that you’ve just received the most honest birthday card of your life.

Cards from The Real Spencer are better because they don’t pretend birthdays are delicate emotional ceremonies. They acknowledge the truth: people are busy, bodies are unpredictable, and sometimes celebration arrives slightly compromised. Other cards offer flowers and poetry. This one offers accountability, laughter, and a deeply uncomfortable amount of realism.


• Material: 14.77 oz/yd² (350 g/m²) paperboard
• Sizes: Small: 4″ × 6″ (101 × 152 mm)
Medium: 5″ × 7″ (127 × 178 mm)
Large: 5.83″ × 8.27″ (148 × 210 mm)
• Product weight: Small: 0.39 oz (11 g)
Medium: 0.6 oz (17 g)
Large: 0.85 oz (24 g)
• Toner-based printing
• Vibrant colors
• Comes with a complimentary envelope